Things happen in life that make you wonder. Just a few hours ago I spoke with someone who I’d become a close friend of over the past year. I spoke with him from his hospital bed…
You see, I heard last Saturday that he was admitted to the Intensive Care Unit due to “internal bleeding” and no one seemed to know exactly what was going on. You have to understand that this friend may have not have a lot of “true friends” and had a fast, tough life.
After having a massive heart attack at a young age, and losing over 100 pounds in the hospital flat on his back for over a year, it was decided he would be unplugged… but he lived by some “nod from the Gods”. Maybe because he had a new grandson coming in a couple years, maybe because he was to damn mean to die. More on his health in a bit.
Either way, it seemed that he’d made peace, possibly accepted any wrongs of his past and was doing the right thing by only killing himself physically trying to work and help his daughters, if not monetarily, at least emotionally, as best he could. We had talked hour after hour about our kids, experiences with our ex’s, and how we loved our children so much and wanted to help steer them toward the right things, whatever it took. He cared and loved them more than they probably ever understood. He was trying to let them know he wanted to not only be their father, but a good grandfather. Something he’d probably not experienced growing up.
I’d talked with him about doing a photo shoot so I could capture his “look”, the experience you just knew he lived through as you looked into his eyes, but you knew he knew things he didn’t want you to know about. He was looking forward to it, as I was also going to shoot his kids and grandchild.
He opened up to me like he probably did no others because I respected him, liked him, and trusted him. He knows that. We laughed, quite a bit actually, as we stood outside a bar telling stories of “I remember when”… He was guarded, but was open at times because I could tell he respected and liked me too. We never ran out of things to say, share, understand. It was apparent he wanted someone to talk with and as long as I was alive, I’d be there to listen, and nothing would go past “us”. He knows what was said there, stayed there. Period. It’s a respect thing, although I wasn’t in any club, I know lots who are and I ALWAYS respected them, and I hope they, me.
Well, I tried to see if I could visit him by calling ICU for several days and they said not until they move him to another room. I called yesterday and they said he was meeting with the doctor. I called today, he was transferred, and they rang his room.
He answered, sounded weak, noticeably shaken. I asked how he was doing and what was going on. I’ll NEVER forget his EXACT words… “Well my friend, they said I’ve run out of time.” “What d-ya mean,” Asked. He said “they give me 2 months.” My heart sank, I wasn’t sure what to say. I tried to talk and he tried to answer but he had difficulty speaking through the emotion. He said “they’re sending me home tonight at 6.” I asked if he would “call me tomorrow so I know where you are and I can come visit.” I didn’t know what else to say, I could hear his voice crackling and could only envision him laying in the hospital bed, alone, after receiving news that he only had a matter of weeks to live. It hurts me to think about.
I’ve never been without words, until today. It just makes me sick to my stomach. One of the few people in my life I could talk to about anything, and he was dying, and very soon. Shit, we were just standing there talking 4 days ago, he’d just found another opportunity, one where he didn’t have to work as many hours, and make more money, and now none of it matters. What a cheap shot!
We’d talked many times about jumping on the Harleys and taking a week or two trip to “where ever”, didn’t matter where, we’ll just take a right and go til we wanna stop, then go again. You could see the excitement in his eyes. All gone. Never to happen. I feel like I’m losing a brother even though I knew him for only a short time. I wish my friend a trip on angels wings. Even though many may say some don’t deserve it after what they’ve done, he does, he tried, he cared, he loved, but in the end, he lost. I’ll miss you my friend.
